No, The Art of ‘Smiling’ isn’t Dead.

I recently picked up a temporary waitressing position at a local restaurant. That alone generates more writing material than I’m probably allowed to share. 

For now, I’ll share this gem.

One of the food runners was coming my way so I smiled and said “Hey” – being the newbie and all. He thanked me for smiling and proceeded to explain how dining guests rarely smile, but give him a stoic look instead. So he asked:

Is the art of smiling dead?

I couldn’t believe my ears. Anyone who delivers food to me is ace in my book. They deserve a hug or something. I briefly assured him that smiling isn’t dead. People and just being people. I suggested that it may take more effort to smile if people are hungry. He laughed and we got back to our duties. 

His question made me think of a time I wish I would have smiled more. It was during a play (an enjoyable one at that) and for some reason I just wasn’t in the mood to smile. I wasn’t cranky or anything. Just a smirk was the best I could do that evening. 

Ultimately, I’m encouraged to be more generous with smiling. While it should always be genuine, you never know what ripple effect it’ll launch. 

Smile & make someone smile as often as you can. Let’s face it, the world could use more smiles. 

C

Love Thy Neighbor

A few months back I ranted about my neighbors constantly bickering and making up. While I’m happy they piped the frank down, I’ve gained some perspective that I lacked back then. The owner of the house is a lovely woman and the fiery neighbors are her son and his fiance. Since the owner and I confide in each other with many things, she often shares how things have been unfolding.

Today, if someone were to ask me how I feel about it, I’d say this instead:

I see two individuals overwhelmed with personal shenanigans in addition to relationship conflicts and not always handling it in the best way. Who can’t relate to this? I can speak the same for myself. When my personal happenings got to me in the worst way, having neighbors spewing negativity just a thin wall away from me just added to my pile of frustrations. Ultimately they disrupted my precious hours of peace at home before yet another potentially lousy day. My frustrations are justified but so are theirs. Ranting to friends was a short term coping mechanism but it isn’t the ultimate solution. Having insider information helped me have a lot more compassion towards them. It made me realize that non of us have it easy (me, nice lady owner, feuding love birds, the world, etc…) and at times the best we can do is really let time and faith take care of what we can’t. Many times that’ll mean our adjusting our attitudes.

Ultimately, the long term goal (at least for me) is to do what I can to keep from contributing to any tension or anger towards people I interact with. I’m comfortable admitting that this isn’t a flawless plan as hey, I too have my feisty ways. The idea is to gain perspective even when it’s not presented to you on a silver platter. Nowadays it feels like humanity no longer values life and what we can be to each other. I don’t mean to get all Kumbaya about it, but we can succeed more together than we think. What’s better than starting from inside our homes?

While “Love Thy Neighbor” may not keep me from occasionally venting to my friends about what goes on, I will keep in mind that they’re going through a tough time right now and hope things will start looking up soon. Especially since there’s a little angel on the way.  I hate the thought that I may have heard when it actually happened… (Too soon?)*

C

*Too Soon?: A punchline when something shouldn’t be joked about in that time frame. Should I have waited 9 months? (Giggles)

 

 

 

Rant & Resilience (Rewritten)

Not sure why I deleted this post from 8/15/2015. It never ceased to be true. Almost a year later, it’s more relevant than ever. 

Edits made to convey a greater message than the original. 

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My job title and description will NEVER define me.

Even though I’ve had to experience a shift in my job description to realize it, I’m grateful now that I know better. My ego will no longer dictate how I feel. Everything I take on at my job, I do it with pride and enthusiasm. That’s how I choose to operate in any career role and in life. It’s true – some days I have to work extra hard at my enthusiasm often drawing from a reserve that doesn’t always meet my demands.

Recently, my co-worker’s unprecedented response to my offer to help caught me completely off guard. Franky, it stung in an unexpected way – but only for a split second. In that instant, I became sure of what will and will not define me. It sure as hell wasn’t my new position.

To answer his question, no, I don’t have an architecture degree. I proudly have 2 other degrees that have nothing to do with architecture that I’ve earned with hard work nonetheless. The fact that I even offered to help knowing there was a good chance I did not have the trade skills to read shop drawings means something. It’s telling of how kind, observant and open-minded I am.

Noting the obvious here: The lack of a specific skill doesn’t imply a lack of intelligence.

Regardless of how I’m perceived at work, I’m not just some bimbo that redirects calls, pushes paper and keeps their K-Cup drawer replenished. I have a pulse, you know.

I’m resourceful, a fierce reader & a steadfast writer.

I have family & friends that I have unconditional love for.

I value the simple things in life.

I’d like to think I have a sense of humor.

I love to travel & plan to do tons of it throughout my lifetime.

I believe in doing things with a purpose & passion.

I’m inching towards goals that sounded like hallucinations at first.

That’s a pinch of what is allowed to define me. The fascinating things I read. The quirkiness of my writing (online & off). The valuable conversations with friends and family over wine and coffee (or nothing at all). The places I’ve been and others I dream of visiting. The random facts I know that will never use. The fact that I didn’t give the guy working outside an attitude for making tons of noise early this Saturday morning (putting it in perspective: the guy has to work, I get to be home and relax. If he doesn’t have an attitude, why should I?). I find humor in the most unsuspecting moments and remind myself that life isn’t all that serious.

In a nutshell, these are a few things that make me wholeheartedly “ME.

As for my co-worker, I don’t hold his comment against him. I let it go of any anger almost as fast as it developed.

Ultimately how people treat others is a bigger reflection on them than it is on the person they’re interacting with. After reevaluating what meaning to assign to that moment, I’m motivated to be more me, fearlessly ME with quirks, flaws and without an architecture degree.

C

The Drive to Drive

May ended with another tiny milestone: My first long driving trip. It’s definitely worth documenting as I picked up a few good lessons along the way. By the way, buckle up for some (at times excruciating) driving puns.

The who, what, where, why…

In celebration of my awesome friend Maria’s birthday, I planned to take her on a surprise day trip. The destinations included her favorite delicatessen for breakfast, the birthplace of her favorite poet (Walt Whitman), a spa appointment and a nice meal to wrap up the day. The first destination is in Bronxville – pretty close by. The other three was on Long Island – just an hour-ish away. I take full credit for the “ish” as it took as a tad longer to arrive.

Getting to all these places was an experience in itself. Maria joked on the way home that I’m the one deserving of a massage due to how tense I became while driving. Below are the results of a “drive now, learn later” type of adventure.

PAY ATTENTION

I’m driving – I see signs, an underpass and a roundabout. The GPS offers suggestions that sound completely ambiguous to my ears. I just had to pull over and embrace the persnickety “WHAT??” feeling that came over me. Coincidentally so, the GPS announced “You are on the quickest route to your destination”. To which my amazing friend Maria responded “T’yeah that’s what you think!” A giggle promptly shooed away my nerves. As soon as I figured out where I was going, which is, you know, pretty essential to any outing, I was chill and ready to go again. Lesson Number One: Pay attention as quickly and attentively as possible. The GPS did indeed make sense. Instead, the “WHAT??” feeling kicked in way before it should have thus throwing off my attention. Bonus Lesson: Do your homework in advance. This will certainly sound obsessive and exaggerated. I still think it’s obsessively and crazy enough to work! In June, I have another trip planned that features yours truly driving for 3 hours-ish. I have strategically examined each highway exit and entrance via Google Maps Street View. In addition, I’ve taken notes of reference points road conditions. This of course for both going and coming. The last step is to review them a few times before the trip date. I now know what the lanes look like when I’m getting on and off a highway. < Jumps with cheer > Who said crazy wasn’t brilliant?

KNOW THE VEHICLE

Lesson Number Two: Know the the car you’re driving. When a light drizzle turned into rain. Obviously my instinct was to turn on the windshield wipers. Not only did I not know where they were located but I envisioned hitting the wrong button and having all hell break loose inside the car causing me to swerve left and right. It seemed a lot funnier in my head than in real life. Thank goodness Maria was with me and turned it on for me. I became annoying when I asked her to turn it off (then on again) when it was still raining. The same applies for lights. The rules say when it starts raining and it’s after a certain time you have to turn your lights on. I was in the dark with that one too – didn’t have the finest idea where to turn on the car lantern. Once again Maria came to the rescue, it was her car after all. I proceed to complicate  the process when I couldn’t see if the light was really on or not. You see, it wasn’t dark enough for me to notice the light on the ground in road in front of me. All of this happening while actively driving. I made a special note of stuff to check prior to the next trip. (More notes? Okay, I’ll contain myself…)

GAS

Lesson Number Three: Check gas before hitting the road. Ah details… It’s imperative to monitor gas levels prior & during a trip. It’ll avoid that moment of sheer panic when the pointer is WAY to close to E. You’ll begin to wonder how terrible the area is to get stranded in. According to our GPS, we weren’t instructed to exit for another 5 miles or so. But! We were in luck! The minute we got off the exit there was a gas station. Which I promptly passed because I wasn’t paying attention. Just when I was about to run out of expletives, there was another gas station that I didn’t miss because I was paying attention.

SAYINGS

A subtle comment by Maria, got my wheels turning about life sayings that don’t apply while driving. Getting a giggle out them, it only seemed natural that I include these in here.

No matter what obstacles are on your path, keep moving forward.

No, no… If there’s a large and obvious obstacle in front of you, you really really should stop. Even indications like traffic lights and signs are cool reasons to stop. 

Never look back.

Wrong again. Looking back is a fine idea when changing lanes or entering a highway/parkway/expressway/anyway/. 

Take the road less traveled

Brilliantly put by Robert Frost. While we know what he means, this is something that would cause acute anxiety in my stage of driving. Driving from Walt Whitman’s house to the spa proved this to be true. The GPS directed me to all kinds of isolated (albeit scenic routes) roads that extended the edge of my anxiety. Noted – there were a few cars on the same route and we didn’t get lost. Even so, I’m totally comfortable with taking the most popular path.

In the end, it was nothing short of a learning curve in good spirit and tons of giggles. These are all rookie mistakes that I’ll make less and less with every trip. Starting with the one in June. I’m already looking forward to document what I got right and less right.

Huge Thanks to Maria for being a good sport about having all this happen in her car. Not a bad idea to serve chamomile tea to my future passengers.

C

Complainers & Non Complainers

This morning I began noodling on how complainers & non complainers differ. Aside from the obvious, I’ve been pondering exactly what makes a complainer speak up and what makes a complainer speak to the side. Let’s identify these characters, shall we? Complainer number one speaks directly to the source caused a gap between them and their comfort spot. Complainer number two either holds it in or complains to everyone BUT the source.

Hi! I’m Complainer Number Two…

My current situation involves a noisy neighbor (more like roommate due to how the house is set up). Noisy in all kind of uncomfortable categories. Let’s leave it at that. The kicker in this situation is that the creature’s mom lives upstairs. And she’s a complete sweetheart. She voiced her dismay with the situation as she heard it too (thus making it even more awkward). I opted for the”fugettaboutit” response just so it’s one thing less on her mind.

Meanwhile, behind the scenes I rant to my best friend via text message and grace my dad’s morning with my cranky presence all due to lack of sleep. Many mornings after I grumble out of bed and attempt to make some coffee, I find that things just happen to irritably slip from my hands. While it may seem like I’m throwing crap around it’s just my body’s natural reaction to being plucked from a perfectly fine night’s sleep.

I’d like to note that I’m glad the happy couple get along quite fine and have plenty to laugh about. But must they think they’re alone in the zip code? It goes without saying that I learned the hard way to keep my headphones handy AT ALL TIMES.

Why can’t they bond through a quiet game of Chess? Or Checkers? Or Cards?

Of course I thought about confronting them asking them to pipe the F down. I’m just afraid I’ll be less than lady like if I do. And that’s no way to solve things. I especially don’t want to contribute to any tension between the sweet landlady and I or the landlady and her wretched son.

The one thing that comes to mind about complainers (as I happen to often deal with a few) is that they feel entitled. Whatever they say is buffered by that sense of entitlement so it doesn’t feel uncomfortable to speak up at all. Of course I feel entitled to peace and quiet at home, it just doesn’t come naturally to me to raise hell until a solution is reached. Let’s just hope my best friend doesn’t block my text messages and that dad doesn’t stop picking me up in the mornings.

C

The Thing About Patience

I may have discovered why patience is a virtue. Alternatively, I’m the last one to receive the memo. You have to wear patience it like a protective shield, a badge of honor, a thick layer of it at all times. You can’t rely on it to kick in after something happens. By then there is already a frustration surplus and a patience deficit. Had you accumulated patience it may just balance each other out somewhat. That’s the idea anyway. It’s like having putting the coffee pot in the maker after it starts dripping. By then, the coffee can still be rescued but it already made a bit of a mess. Then you have to sort of back track and clean up the mess before proceeding with your day. Same thing happens when something frustrates you. You get as involved as you let your mind get, only to have to trudge back to reality and the only moment we really have: now.

If you think about it, we wear our pride, confidence and dreams at all times. Why not wear patience too?

Per usual, how I discovered this doesn’t matter. Did people have something to do with it? But, of course they did. I’m also beginning to realize that people around us – even those who get under our skin, even stranger, even lovers, friends and family – are there to teach us something. To make us flex a muscle that is not used as much.

Whether it’s karma or my own thoughts attracting it, people seem to be stand extremely close to me where there is an immense standing space. I’m not just being fastidious either. If you’re close enough where we look like we’re together than you’re too close. The worst is when not only they’re close but they’re also facing you. Gosh it makes my skin crawl. It’s been one of my biggest pet peeves for ages. As far as personal space, I’ll stop here. The premeditated patience idea still applies. As a full time commuter, it’s in my advantage to start accumulating “commuter patience” and attempt to tune out any frustrating surroundings.

The point is I learned a very important life lesson this morning:

 Immerse yourself in patience at all times. Live, breathe, eat patience.

Final Thoughts –

I overestimated how much I actually learned. I left work furious and antsy to go for a run or at least a fast pace walk for 2 reasons: 1- so I’d blow off some steam and be meditate on patience and 2- so I’d finally start training for a 5K I plan to do in December. I desperately need to feel accomplished so that’s one of my goals.

The irony of all of this is that I’m currently stuck in a train at Hartsdale Train Station. So much for my rush to get home and out again…

Patience, right?

C

100 Feet of My Day

A couple of weeks ago, the summer intern approached me in slight despair for help with a handheld tape measure that was all tangled and in shambles – all 100 feet of it. I showed an exaggerated amount of enthusiasm to help with this ball of frustration just to calm his nerves.

He held one side as I began untangling the other. He nervously explained that he was measuring a roof and it got discombobulated somehow. I said it was okay and we would handle it.

On a side note, why are interns addressed as if their name, identity and soul was really “The Intern”? They’re real people and ought to be encouraged while getting their feet wet in the industry of their possible future career. Go interns!

Seeing The Intern’s – erm – Tom’s frustration, I politely asked if he wanted me to take care of it while he could focus on his workload. His relief was obvious as the thanked me and walked away.

While I was untwisting my day away, it actually felt relaxing for about a foot and a half then boredom kicked in. I eyeballed the Architect Newspaper that had arrived in the mail just a couple of minutes before I was presented with a ball of measuring tape. I couldn’t resist, I opened the newspaper to page 14 and read an article about a structural transformation from a tee-shirt factory to a beautiful home. Thirty feet later I was challenged with what to do next. It became a handful to untangle and flip pages at the same time so I closed the newspaper all together. Pondering what to do next, around 70 feet I started thinking about all the things that I thought were 70 feet long. This was a good idea until I failed to think of any as I have very little sense for large scale objects. For the next 20 feet I thought of everywhere I wanted to take my dad before he started working on Saturdays again. When I got to around 50 feet, I debated whether I should be content I made it to 50 or dread I had 50 more feet to go. This threw me in deep thought about my attitude towards life as well as my goals and dreams. What did I want to accomplish (in life & in the next 50 feet)?

It almost felt as if I was untangling my thoughts as well as the measuring tape.
I thought about the places I wanted to take my dad

…how I want to be more organized with bills & money management
…how I want to FINALLY get my license and what it would mean to me.
…how many books I’ve been meaning to read
…how I want to blog more (so many full journal pages, so few blog posts)

I thought about (and got pleasantly stuck on) the people that have had somewhat of an influence on where I was today on all aspects of my life. My personality, my career, my interests and even my book choices.

My final thought (and few feet) was that life is like a game of pinball. Time just keeps shooting you forward. The people we bump into always adds something to our lives – whether or not we choose to see it that way. Some take you back until time shoots you forward again. By the end of the game, your final score is based on who you choose to be, given everyone you’ve crossed paths with in life.

I’d say it was a productive 100 feet considering it gave me time to check in with myself.

C

Giggle While You Work

Since I’m stuck on a smelly line at the Post Office, I might as well write…

There has got to be a word for when every fiber in your body wants to let out a giggle – at the most inappropriate time. That fun and wrong feeling of wanting to laugh is on my list of the best feelings ever. The anticipation alone of when you’ll be able to laugh is enough to cause sweat droplets to form on your forehead.

Kind of like the sweat droplets forming on the back of the bald scoop on this guys head. That doesn’t make me giggle. Just keeping a safe distance in case one of the drops decides to detach from his head and land wherever it pleases. 

To have an internal giggle fest going on in your head while at work – on a Friday – is a whole other level of funny.

Our co-worker needed to sharpen a pencil. Nothing funny about that right? Except it was like a box of pencils. Still nothing funny except in such a quiet office, the rattle of the electric pencil sharpener that noise becomes ridiculously hysterical.

My impulsive thoughts didn’t help soothe the situation:

• Are we having a pop quiz?
• How sharp does he want his pencils?
• Some people have quirky ways of relieving stress…
• This is the first time I’ll witnesses an electric pencil sharpener overheat.
• Is he going to leave any pencils for the rest of us?
• Are school kids coming to visit ouR office?

After a while I couldn’t take it anymore and went to the bathroom to laugh.

By the time I came back, the sharpening spree was over. That sound will never be the same to me again.

Not bad for a little Friday afternoon humor…

C

*Please pardon any error as this was written quickly in a Post Office that smelled like a Post Office on a hot/humid Summer Friday Afternoon and then published while waiting for the elevator back to the office. You know it takes long for the elevator to come when you have time to wrap up a blog post.

No, I don’t have a thing with smells. It just seemed like a background theme for this post. Have I mentioned the office smells fine? So does this elevator that will never come. 

Thoughts While Organizing

I’m a firm believer in two things:

1. Whatever job you are given, do it well. Own it to the fullest.
2. There is humor in everything.

With that said, one of my assignments at my job is to organize the work room. I’ve accepted this task with enthusiasm and a positive attitude. Because I’m not one to allow my thoughts to go stale, I amused myself with as much quirkiness I could think of. Below is the outcome:

• We may have more supplies than Staples.
• Who knew rubber bands came in so many sizes.
• Colorful rubber bands are just a failed attempt to make rubber bands cool.
• *Hopes rubber bands can bounce back from such harsh comments .
• Coffee…
  Who decided to buy a batch of every single item at Staples?
• In case of an apocalypse, this office will function just fine.
• It can’t be legal to have this many binders.
• I wonder if there is a “How It’s Made” episode of (insert office supply item here).
• Coffee…
• There aren’t enough sticky notes, the ONE product that matters in the world.
• This shelf is definitely OCD approved.
• Why is everything semi-opened?
• Mentally giggles at putting erasers & white out in the same box and putting glue and big paper binder clips together.
• Coffee…
• *Ponders every possible Pintrest hack ever encountered.
• Why are the cabinets two different colors?
• So. Many. Highlighters.
• COFFEE
• What if they ask me to put everything back as it was? (I would shamelessly cry.)
• The second I pick up something heavy, the phone will ring.

Picks up something heavy.

Phone rings.

C